No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
