my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
