And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
