if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
