first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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