i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
