I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
