Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
