i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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