I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize