Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
