my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's just like the Real World with babies
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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