we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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