She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
