evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
