I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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