i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize