Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
