okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
