OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
