dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you win again, gameday.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize