Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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