he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
jump out the window naked night went bad
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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