just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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