We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
