yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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