It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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