The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he shaved USA in his pubs
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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