This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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