I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
