Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
