I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
