I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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