i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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