Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
