Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
