I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
