Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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