is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
