It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
it glows. i had to have it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
