You're my little dorito
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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