I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
