we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
