Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize