She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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