I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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