I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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