you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
