the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
