If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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