Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
