Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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