what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
