I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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