haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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