I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
