She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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