My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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