i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Let's get the cat blown out
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
