Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
