hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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