You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
