How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
