All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize