Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
