my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
