4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
