shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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