fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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