the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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