and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
