Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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