a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
