I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize